Change. Evolution. Development. Metamorphosis.

You may have noticed my website has undergone a complete overhaul and that now this site exists for my words, and not my photos. Yes that’s right… I finally have a professional website for my photography work! *cheers*

That means that this little blog right here is getting kicked back into action. A place for me to reflect, talk to you guys (yes- I actually have an audience now – hi!) and just, ya know, try to navigate the intricacies of young adult life while also trying to take over the world and become a boss. Light work.

I think I might go back to writing every day, or at least every week. I’ve deleted a lot of my photo posts on here but left many of my “ramblings” and, when I read them back, it’s like stepping into my the mind of my past self. That’s some future shit right there.

So, what’s new with me? A hell of a lot. I went from working at an advertising agency that didn’t empassion me to working at the best record label in the world and getting my dream job. I am now a fully fledged photographer (!!!) and I regularly do, well… cool shit. 

Professionally, things are going amazingly well…. and my personal life has had some major ups and downs of late but right now, I have to say I feel fantastic.

I was reading through an old post on here in which I said it was important to recognise your flaws. When I look back at it, it teaches me another valuable lesson. 

I am an ever changing, always evolving human and I am completely different to the person I was even just yesterday. I still probably have just as long a list of flaws… but many of them are different due to new experiences, new people I’ve met and new places I’ve been.

It’s interesting when you meet someone and you recognise them at a stage of self development you have already experienced. With hindsight you come to realise that those walls you put up and that guardedness was just a way of stopping yourself from really enjoying life to its fullest. 

It benefitted me in no way and only isolated my thoughts and feelings until I met someone that forced me back out of my shell. So why do we shy away from our own happiness? 
Is it that we don’t think we deserve it? What is it about true expression / happiness / joy that makes us feel like it’s contraband? Like it’s something we shouldn’t have, because we somehow deserve to be miserable for things we’ve done in the past. 

Even myself. I just came out of a long term relationship and, according to society, I should be wallowing in my heartbreak and pining for my lover and or / hating my ex and killing the game without them.

I don’t feel like doing either of them. And when discussing the break up with people I find more than ever that people have expectations of what emotional state you’re supposed to be in when you break up, often set by the perceived expectations of others. No one seems to think for themselves on the issue.

For me, I honestly feel amazing. And I’m not pining for / hating on my ex either. I’m putting myself first, and I now realise that for a long time I wasn’t doing that. 

I’m exploring new sides to myself that I hadn’t ever previously afforded time to, and I’m embracing my ever-changing self more and more each day. There is no longer a cap to my happiness based on any of my flaws. 

I can be imperfect and still deserve to feel joy. 

Peace and love & all that stuff. Feels good to be back! 

Neela x