So what’s the point in all this? It’s obvious that I’m far from perfect- none of us are, right? But by accepting that, I often wonder whether I’m achieving anything.  Does accepting you have flaws mean you’re well on your way to a path of self acceptance, confidence and perfect personhood? Well, the short answer is no. The long answer requires a more detailed explanation.

• I over think everything.
• I have a tendency to snap at the people closest to me.
• I’m terrible with timing.
• I’m insecure in relationships.
• I expect too much from people.
• I’m guarded.
• I don’t always let on what’s troubling me inside.
• I’m too headstrong and refuse to admit my shortcomings in an argument.
• I’m over sensitive, and take things to heart.
• I go to bed angry/upset more than I should.
• I put too much pressure on myself, and often bite off more than I can chew.
• I find it difficult to drop things, and argue for the sake of arguing.
• I can be blunt, and unsympathetic at times.
• I don’t live within my means, and can never save money.
• I’m snappy when I’m upset.
• I don’t show the people around me how much I appreciate them enough.

Press Play:

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. – Jim Rohn

It’s become clear to me over the past year that the most valuable thing in life is the effect you have on others. No measure of success, monetary or otherwise will ever be equal to that which is achieved when you can impact others in a positive way. A life lived treating others with respect, kindness and compassion is to me, the most desirable thing to be remembered by.  I think that in general, everyone has a rose-tinted view about the way they are when interacting with others. Their relationships, both romantic, familiar and platonic, are typically viewed in a much better light than in reality.

No one wants to believe they aren’t pulling their weight when it comes to these things. The thing is though, we could all do better. And it really takes someone special to show you that. Someone who makes you want to be better. If you’ve found that someone, then maybe this post will reawaken the desire to improve yourself. It’s laying dormant in all of us, we all know deep down the things about our personalities that could be improved, but it’s far easier to pretend you don’t need to change.

Change is difficult, and the realisation that a change is necessary is even harder to accept. It’s a tricky, double edged sword that is often met with the internal, self-righteousness in all of us that tells us we shouldn’t have to change for anybody.  We don’t. We don’t have to change for anyone. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t.

When interacting with others, if you reach a closeness that allows for discussions on one another’s personalities (the good and the bad), then from what I’ve learnt, it’s important to listen. The idea that one should care what others think is often one met with philosophical or self help quotes, in which the general consensus is that you shouldn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of you. I can’t say I completely agree.

It’s important not to care just as much as it is to care. It’s about finding the balance between caring too much, and not caring at all.

There’s a fine line between being under the ruse of “being oneself” and not caring about others’ opinions and the consequences, and being oneself by actually listening to the people around you that care, and bettering yourself as a person.

You can be yourself, or you can be your best self. I choose the latter.

Now don’t get me wrong, when it comes to judgement from others, I couldn’t give a fuck. But that attitude doesn’t apply to all. If someone you love becomes increasingly upset about your behaviour, it’d do you good to hear what they’re saying- because at the end of the day, no one can ever see themselves as others see them.

No one wants to hurt the people they love, but we do, it’s inescapable. In an ever growing world of crossed wires, misunderstandings via iMessage, confusions about tone, subtweets, in-directs and the rest- it’s harder these days to say what you really mean, and to understand what others really mean too.

In person, things don’t get any easier- but talking about these things in the open is always a good start. The thing is though, is that accepting you have flaws isn’t always enough. The most crucial part in improving your relationships- and therefore your effect on others, is to recognise and identify your flaws.  This is the hardest part of it all.

It’s taken me a lot of messed up relationships to realise that if I can’t own up to my flaws, I’ll never be able to improve on my relationships with people.  I’ve made the same mistakes in with people over and over again. I know I’m not alone in getting comfortable with a dynamic and finding it hard to adjust to other people.

But this time, I’m not prepared to lose out on something special out of a refusal to grow, adapt, and yes- change. 

I suppose what I’m trying to say in all of this is that above all, no matter what age you are, there is always room to grow. You can always improve yourself, and the effect you have on others can always have a more positive spin.

Listen to the people you care about, acknowledge the impact you have on them and make a conscious effort to adapt if you feel that the relationship is worth it.

I know that in my case, it is. So I’m going to do everything I can to be the best version of myself. No more excuses, and no more ignoring my flaws, it’s time to make a change.

 

Neela x

 

Now Playing: I Don’t Know – Nick Hakim