A quote from Booker T. Washington, who if you didn’t know- was a pretty fucking awesome guy. He was born into slavery and yet managed to overcome his oppression and become an extremely powerful African-American leader. He even advised the President, and he spent his life using his political prowess to gain blacks equal social rights. Cool dude. (Thanks Wikipedia)

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.

I came across his quote yesterday and honestly, it was the impetus that got me out of bed and made me ready to face the world again. I’ve been low lately- whether it’s because it’s the realisation that a year has passed since my friend died- or maybe it’s the mountain of responsibilities that seem to forever pile up as I get older, or perhaps I feel guilty for not being present, which somehow makes me feel the need to be distant even more. To put it simply, since I got back from LA, I haven’t really been myself. I’ve been low- and I mean, really low (at times.)

It’s surprising- people probably wouldn’t place me as that kind of person (unless you’ve noticed a string of depressing tweets coming from my Twitter account… Silly now I think about it) The point is, it’s not like me to be like this. I’m usually full of joy, happiness, love… Light, and above all- STRENGTH.

But I haven’t been strong recently. I’ve been weak. I think sometimes we all get sucked into dark times, It’s appealing in a way, to wallow in self pity- I think sometimes we take pleasure in the pain, in a twisted way. It takes less strength to watch your life fall apart than it does to pick up the pieces and get it back on track again. It’s like when you wake up on a cold day and you don’t want to get out of your little duvet-cocoon. I’ve been in a cocoon, but it’s time to get out.

It’s strange- when you suffer from depression, even in its mildest form, (and this may not be the same for other people) you experience a dichotomy to your personality. On one side, is the smart, strong Neela. Neela number 1. She knows exactly what to do and say and understands the value of life, she’s happy and carefree- and she lives life to the fullest. On the other side, is the weak, lonely Neela. Neela 2. She’s the one who ostracizes herself, locks herself in her room for hours and watches crime documentaries in the dark. She zones out to forget the pain and drifts in and out of sleep, with no concept of time passing. She feels so desperately and terrifyingly alone in this world and yet she doesn’t have the strength to venture out of her cocoon to make contact, with anyone. She doesn’t know how.

So. It’s time Neela 1 took matters into her own hands.

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. 

The second side of life I described, The “Neela 2” that I somehow have become- That’s no way to live. And I know I’m not the only one who’s been down that road. Maybe you have been too.

I need lifting up, and I need to lift someone else up. Whoever is reading this, I need to lift you up, too. I need to lift us all up, to the point where our feet are no longer touching the ground on which we cowered before, we need to ascend, higher and higher, and realise our full potential, you and I- all of us. I wanted to say something to Neela 2, and whoever else needs to hear it. Something I can look back on to help me if I ever fall short of myself again. So I’ll leave you with this:

You are not alone. I am here with you. Every day, willing you to step out of this lurch you’re in and enjoy life! You are a wonderful, interesting individual and you have so much more to offer this world than to sit and wallow in your misery. The universe needs you, wants you. You need to make your mark! Everyone goes through dark times, and sometimes it’s good to just let yourself go and be sad for a little while. But the time to be sad is over. Now is the time to grab life by the horns and give it your best. Try for trying’s sake. Live for living’s sake and just be in the NOW because really, it’s all we have. Don’t waste your time and disregard the people around you, the people who love you and care about you. You need to snap out of it- you have so much to give and you haven’t even started. Don’t let the bad times impact the good times. Whatever it is you’re working towards, If you really want it- you can achieve it. It sounds cliche but it’s true- you just aren’t trying hard enough. We’ve all made mistakes. FORGIVE YOURSELF. Be strong, be emotional, and be yourself- and above all, waste no time in your cocoon anymore. Go for walks, visit galleries, watch plays, movies, read books. Kiss boys, kiss girls! Do what you want. Indulge in the delights life has to offer- open your mind, open your soul. Love, and you will be loved. YOU CAN DO IT. Loneliness is the one of the worst feelings in the world. But you can never be alone if you have yourself. DON’T lose yourself. You will be fine. I am here.

Peace and Love and ALL that stuff.

Neela x